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Being a parent is a big challenge. Bringing up twins is twice a big challenge and if you are a teacher and a mother of twins then life is more difficult for you once they started school.
You know the rights, wrongs.
You spend days, nights trying not to compare them.
You fight with people when they call them twins instead of their own names.
You try to be equal to show affection
And you feel exhausted
When I felt exhausted trying to be the perfect mum and saw I was about to fail, I decided to get advice and the best advice I got was ‘Equality doesn’t exist’
Wow, that helped me a lot. I felt much better. I realized there was nothing wrong with my being a parent.
Then the school started. I thought a lot about separating or not separating them.
Sometimes my friends who have twins ask me about it.
Well, the choice is yours.
However,
Equality doesn’t exist
If classes are different, teachers will be different. If schools are different, teachers, friends, everything will be different.
What if the teacher of one school or one class was better than the other?
If they are in the same class and if the teacher also thinks there is no equality and tries to compare them, then what will happen?
In Turkish we have a saying; each finger of your hand is different. They are not equal, they are big, fat, and small, in short kids can be as the fingers of one hand.
Yet, if you cut your index finger, do you think the pain of the index finger is more than the poor thumb?
Anyway, I now think if we teach them how to fly in the breeze and storm, I am sure they will survive.
Dear Eva,
I don’t have twins. My kids are 3 1/2 years apart. But I have many friends with twins and I can tell you there is no equality. They are and always will be different – but you already know that.
We love our children differently. Sometimes we are closer to one of them just because you have more in common with that one (especially as they get older). but that doesn’t mean more or less love – just different. Trying to fit into what people or society has “defined” as what a good mom should be is absolutely exhausting – and not true.
Just as we know each of our students is different, so are our children. And so are mothers. I felt inadequate many times for many reasons while trying to fit the “description” of a good mom. And I only found true motherhood when I learned I am different from it… and it’s ok.
A mother’s heart knows what is best for her children. And if we make mistakes (which we will), we learn from them. Hang in there 😉
You are right Cecilia. We all learn from our mistakes and once you admit that there is no equality and perfect mum doesn’t exist and teachers are alos human beings and can also make mistakes, you start to feel better. (relief)
Thanks 4 the support 🙂
Eva